i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
