I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
