a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
false alarm, still single
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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