waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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