i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
