I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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