u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it penis luge time yet?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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