If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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