I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
