carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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