wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
