theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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