i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
