i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
