I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
