Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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