There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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