tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Your dad touched me again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
