If that was your dad, he is hot
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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