I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
