Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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