he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
