so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
