my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
