Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
