I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
