Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
