i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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