I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
