I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
