Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
