Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
