I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Randomize
