Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
