oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
