Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
