Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Porn is love you can see.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
