yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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