the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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