nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
