you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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