My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
