A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
