I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
PANTIES FOUND
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