Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
