i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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