What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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