I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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