Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
