Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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