You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
