Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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