i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
