That's intense
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
