I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
