in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
