I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My feet surprised me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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