Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
